I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
ugly people sure do ruin things
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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