Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Damn victory sex feels great
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
