I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
