what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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