I will die if light touches me.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
