I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
