How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
