I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
