shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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