I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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