im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
