after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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