Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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