I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
