i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
