A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Randomize
