I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
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