Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
