her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
