How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
