my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
