Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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