my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
