It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
