There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
