It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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