I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
