Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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