mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Randomize
