I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
