I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
