I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
