I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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