He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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