We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
This is my gift to your gina
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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