Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Say something about gay babies.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
