well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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