I'm drive I can fine osifer
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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