The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
