dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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