i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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