I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
