just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
