i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
