and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i think i scared a bird with my dick
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
