Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
