I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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