I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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