come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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