i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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