Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
