No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
