I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
she told me i tasted like america
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
