I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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